Role Model

Melissa: okay so my teacher is like this really inspirational dragon lady
within the first 5 minutes of class, she was telling us to be the author of our own lives
and to be a shadow of a human being is really sad
and she made me get watery eyes
oh and my teacher said that we should not be in class to get our MRS
"Mrs. Degree"
she said all of this within the first 5 minutes btw

Birth Order

Melissa: i had a random theory during church
another deep thoughts moment
i think that if u are the youngest child in the family, ur ultimate goals in life, in who u want to be is basically within the range of what ur older siblings are like
like i think that if i wanted to be the perfect version of myself i would have to inherit ur qualities
basically this is my way of spilling the beans about how u complete me

Self Image

Melissa: i cant believe he majored in english at berkeley
that explains why when he talks his words are very crisp
crisp words means that ur confident about what u say
which means he's smart

me: which means i slur everything

Melissa: i totally slur
i slur so much
that is why u cant ever understand me
makes me nervous that i am basically a wet toast
a toast that's been soggy from its own condensation

Nature's Mysteries

me: ok
i am upset
that
chris pine
would even be RUMORED to be dating audrina

Melissa: oh i totally already knew that
ceiling eyes
i think about that from time to time
its something unexplainable
like the aurora skies
actually they are explainable probably but too lazy to wiki it

Parental Advice

me: so i was feeling good about last night
and then when i talked to mommy
she basically was like
oh that's great but take it slow
you dont know who they slept with
you dont know who they really are
she gave me the whole spiel
and i mean she is right, but what a buzzkill

Melissa: hahah
oh i kno
she has to say that tho
or else she is like orange oprah
lindsay lohan's mom

Small World

Melissa: oh and did u know that the guy who showed Daddy around rome the first time he went is like the first point of contact for the pope?
that is some da vinci code shit

Il Postino

Melissa: al pacino's body is cute
it's like i can put it in a little envelope
and put a stamp on it