Obsessed

me: on myspace, the Improvised Shakespeare Company is a 28 yr old male
Melissa: hahah they have a myspace?? lol
do they have an asianavenue
i like how they are there for 'networking and serious relationships'
can i get into a serious relationship with improvised shakespeare co?
me: Improvised Shakespeare is Single
and aquarius
Melissa: lollll
do u get along with aquarius
me: mommy is aquarius
so
not really

-

me: btw greg was the best part about the show
but i doubt we'll ever talk much about him
Melissa: haha oh i kno
cuz hes gay
and he will never be into us
plus he has the neck of a giraffe

-

Melissa: WHO IS UR CRUSH
its bugging me
doesnt it make u sad though
that u can't even find an ounce of information
i mean u can even google me
and find who i am
i am more important than him
me: lololol
that's SO weird
i know
why
it makes him so sexy
Melissa: hahahha
or old
either one
im leaning towards old

me: maybe God wont let us find info on him cuz im gonna marry him
Melissa: hahah i know
after he divorces his wife of 10 years of course
and figures out the custody of his 2 kids
(probz)

me: my dream is to marry him
and
when he has a special show in nyc
i would fly with him
and hang out with karina all day and then see the show at night
Melissa: lolll
me: and then eat at a diner afterwards until 6am
Melissa: stop it ur butterflies will explode
overpopulation

-

me: wait
do u realize that we have been talking about improvised shakespeare for a million hours
Melissa: yes
billion hours
to be exact

Hiring Freeze

me: what if Esther was a temp in the office
Melissa: haahha
u walk by her, to ask her for your messages
she says 'im not like the other kids, mommy'

Unimpressed

Melissa: What do they expect when they holler at girls? What do they expect when they are listening to their ring tone on the train over and over even though it is only 30 seconds?

When I Grow Up

Melissa: whenever i meet any of victor's family friends, they ask me when im going to become a doctor
me: lol
u should say that you're going to be a brain surgeon
or an astronaut
that would be amazing
Melissa: hahah
omg i kno
rocket scientist
i might as well introduce myself as 'jiminy cricket'

1001 Places We've Already Seen

me: im so glad we moved around, even tho we went to increasingly shittier places
i think it made us smarter
Melissa: hahaha yes
it totally does
it makes such a difference
me: definitely
Melissa: yeah i think u should find someone who identifies with 2 states
or even 3
me: so let's count how many states that we identify with
california
michigan
florida
new jersey
Melissa: illinois
me: illinois
i totally didn't even realize that
Melissa: texas
me: LOL
Melissa: idaho
mexico
me: i identify the most with New Jersey
bc we have a huge expensive house
that is a waste of money
Melissa: i identify the most with north carolina
b/c thats where justin timberlake is from
tarheels

Improvised Sisters

Me: i secretly had a huge crush on the guy who fucked up
Melissa: oh yeah he was hot in an anthony bourdain way

Me: wait so i totally loved the gay guy too
Melissa: oh i knowww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjzLYPSu9rQ&feature=related
lolol omg 1:57
Me: er my computer is being slow
Melissa: oh it was just another moment when the gay guy was being gay

Me: did u know that the blonde guy from Second City is a teacher at iO?
Melissa: omg cool
ur dream
Me: secret huge crush on the blonde guy
Melissa: he is such a frankenstein
Me: i swear i saw him on the train
but the one reason why i thought it might not be him is cuz his clothes were uglier than i think i would expect out of him
like, really bad jeans
he was like almost pedophile-ish
yeah, definitely him
Melissa: 110%

Me: steve carrell met his wife in improv class
Melissa: that is the funnest
what if u marry steven colbert

Past His Prime

Me: Wait, Bryan Greenberg's concert was the worst thing I have ever seen. It was worse than Yanni.
Melissa: Yanni was the best.

Me: The opening act was so bad.
Melissa: The opening act was so much better than Bryan Greenberg.

Melissa: All of his songs sound the same.
Me: It sounds like my air conditioner.
Melissa: No, your air conditioner is way better because it's soothing.

Melissa: p.s.
bryan greenberg
Me: bryan greenberg totally ruined bryan greenberg
Melissa: i know
he spoiled everything
he was air
dust
he was a big dust bunny
on stage
with a guitar
Me: bryan is underneath my bed right now
he's also in the corner
he's also in my bagless vacuum
Melissa: he is the space behind the TV

Me: i just wanted to go to Schubas cuz it rhymes with tubas
Melissa: oh i know
that was totally my reasoning too